YOUR PAGES FOR MY POEM

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Your diary, journal or whatever you use to share your thoughts become worthless when you've got a bestfriend. Why do we write a diary. People like me usually write to kill their loneliness. But when you have a bestfriend with you, there is no need of a diary at all. I too had a bestfriend (or so called bestfriend or I called her my bestfriend or whatever).  I used to show her my poems. My poems were usually about the guy I was dating. 
Once she asked me to write a poem about her. I took this lightly. I smiled and said that I would certainly do it with pleasure. But I was not able to that. As I told once, I am not an intentional writer. I write only when I feel.

One day she was upset because I was talking to a girl she never liked. She didn't talk to me for two days. Me being a cry baby got tensed. She was the only one who listened to all of my shits.
That day I realised what she meant to me. She never left me behind in any situation. She was the person who constantly helped me, no matter what I did. And I was the person who kept on chanting the name of the guy who was dating me (who didn't even care, who betrayed me every now and then). 

 On the occasion of her eighteen birthday, here goes the poem written by me an year ago or so.


Your pages for my poem
can be understood by no one.
Not even him, for whom the whole book is written.
It can be known only by you, for whom it's chosen.

Your pages for my poem
can be felt by only one.
That's you my dear,
who is always with me without any fear.

In the book of my whole life.
I owe you a special page that will make you delight (ed).
This time it's not for my ''he'',
after him my everything depends on a ''she''.
And yes, she is my bestie!

Your pages for my poem.
Makes me happy when I see them.
I don't know from where your story should begin,
because, you begin after my everything.
I don't know from where should I start.
For me, you come from the bottom of my heart.

Your pages for my poem
Makes me feel, I've someone,
with whom I can go beyond all the limitations
and swipe away all my frustrations.

I know that I am such a mad.
I do such things which makes you sad.
So, I did this so that you feel glad,
because, you are one of the special pages that I ever had.

Your pages for my poem.
I feel happy that I secured them.



                                            --  Kamna Sah


Written by me on 11th of January 2019.
The title " YOUR PAGES FOR MY POEM" has got  many meanings.

1) Your pages for my poem
Here pages stands for contribution and poem stands for life.
So, "Your pages for my poem" is nothing but "your contribution to my life".
Her contribution to my life is only known by me and herself. 
"Not even him, for whom the whole book is written". This line means that the value of my bestfriend in my life couldn't even be understood by the love of my life. Here the whole book stands for those endless poems I wrote for my boyfriend.

2) The another meaning of this title is that, I wrote this poem on the pages given to me by her. This is actually true. She gave me some beautiful pages and then I jotted down the poem in it.


I was really happy to get a friend like her (pardon me that I couldn't reveal her name). Eventually, almost everything ended between us. Most probably she found some better friends than me. This wasn't a betrayal although. It was a kind of leaving without confessions or being together without accepting. Day by day, distance between us widened. It was a slow process but it happenedin the end.  It's been months since I talked to her. 
I can't forget the days when we were always together. People used to give examples of our friendship. We used to gossip a lot, about the bitchy girls in the class, about our crushes, about our boyfriend and what not. Those were the days when I thought I got a friend who would stay forever. But circumstances changed and now I don't have her to be with me. You know what I used to cry a lot. I used to cry about everything, "mother scolded me, father yelled at me, boyfriend is not replying, sister is a bitch, brother punched me", and what not. This girl used to soothe me. 

As I said before you don't need a diary when you've got a bestfriend because she/he becomes a part of your daily routine. 

Sadly, now I've got a diary to maintain and  loneliness to kill. She became the reason that I don't make friends anymore. I just cling to the people I've known since childhood. No more newbies. 

Well, she never left me. Maybe the thing is our bond wasn't mutual. I could've been her close friend and I felt like she was my bestie. 
It happens! But for me she will always remain what she used to be. 


My friend,
If you are reading this, I hope you liked the poem I wrote for you. Probably this is the second time you are reading this. Last time you took this too casually. I didn't say anything but I felt a lot. 


Thank you :-)
  

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